No littering, either: If you think you won't be able to finish the training
run, please don't litter the trail with your dotard, free-radical-filled carcass. Please dig a deep hole first,
then pull the dirt over your body right before you succumb to the Grim Reaper's sickle.
I, the runner, affirm that I participate in these training runs at my own
risk, that there will be no "aid stations" or support available except where provided by me. There will be no route
markings, no course marshals and no medical personnel in attendance and that I cannot hold my fellow runners, those who advertise
the run or anyone else involved in the run or anyone else, responsible for any accident, injury or death sustained by anyone,
I have been advised that the run may traverse lands that are owned, policed or
controlled by Cities or Townships, City or State Parks, Hatfields & McCoys, or other landowners/controllers and that they
have not been notified of these training runs, and permission has not been given and that I will accept any consequences upon
myself resulting from any legal transgressions...including "Deliverance-style" interrogation tactics used by the local "Gomers"
I know that the training run may traverse extremely rough and rugged areas, that
is inhabited by the standard Midwest wildlife (snakes, deer, spiders etc), and vicious "domesticated" pets, and accept that
I could get hurt, lost, dehydrated, injured or could even die. I fully accept these dangers & difficulties on my own behalf.
In fact I will thoroughly ENJOY the prospect of suffering blisters, cramps, trashed quads, thunderstorms, lightning strikes,
snow, ice, heatstroke, frostbite and other entertainment that can be associated with running a training run such as this.
I understand that any roads to be crossed or run along may be narrow and twisty
and that all vehicle drivers are CRAZY MAINIACS, out to run me down. I understand that any trails or paths that I may cross
or traverse will have similar maniacs on horses, mountain bikes, unicycles, pogo sticks, harvesters, Segways, hay-balers,
D-9 Catapillars, flailing-bladed lawnmowers, and other sundry vehicles, gizmos, or devices, dedicated to squashing/ripping
my flesh and bones to unidentifiable (flattened) chunks of meat.
I understand that I should never back my vehicle into a parking spot at a trail
head, especially at Minor Park, (unless you're into that sort of thing).
I understand that whining is not acceptable, and if I do so, I might find myself
in a shallow, unmarked grave, off to the side of a lonely trail somewhere.
I fully understand that if I don't pay attention to the rocky, root-strewn trail
ahead, I could be severely injured, or at least shatter my delicate ego and my severely-misguided perception of myself.
I understand that even if I am an extremely experienced athlete, I may not be fit
enough to continue at some point, and I should know when to say "Uncle", throw in the towel, and get the hell back into my
fricking car, shut the hell up, and go the hell home.
I have been advised to take some water and have my own supplies, and look after
my own personal needs, such as having available: toilet paper, Power Bars, Hammer Gel, Band-Aids, gloves, and a black leather
teddy with sequins.
I realize that my fellow runners, those who advertise these runs, or anyone else
involved in the run or anyone else, are NOT organizing an event or race and that this is a joint endeavor by all who take
part. This is not to say I will not b*tch or use strong language; in fact, I expect to do so during the various stages of
these training runs. I understand this is just a part of the experience of "reality running", not to be confused with "reality
T.V.", no matter how much similarity I, or my co-runners may find herewith.